Starting a new life as a married person is a beautiful thing. However, for some people, it may bring a whole new set of problems. Many of these problems are caused by a person’s in-laws. If you’re going through something similar, you don’t need to worry. Online counselling can help you cope with the in-laws problems you are facing.
Online counselling sessions can also help you find solutions for the same. Now you don’t have to keep suffering silently. Go through this blog and gain a better understanding of the problems you’re facing.
Common In-Laws Problems and ways of handling those problems –
1. Your in-laws are controlling.
Some in-laws tend to get involved in every little decision you make in your life. Decisions that should be made by you and your spouse as a couple. They try to make you do things the way they want them to go rather than what you want.
These things can include something as simple as what you wear and what you eat, to something bigger like where you should go for a vacation. They even try to dictate when and how many kids you should have.
We understand that these are decisions that two people in a marriage would want to take together, as a couple. So, what do you do when your father or mother-in-law is causing problems in your marriage?
A constant power struggle between you and your in-laws can leave you emotionally exhausted. In order to solve this, first you need to try and understand why your in-laws are so controlling. Is your mother-in-law afraid of losing her power over her son who’s married now? And why does your husband feel powerless in front of his mother, despite him being an adult now?
Try to be straight-forward with your in-laws. Let them know that you do not appreciate their interference in your personal life. Be polite, but be firm at the same time. If they still don’t understand, then hear them out. But, don’t let them have any influence on your final decision.
If you’re not sure about how to do that, you can speak to our online counsellors for advice. Our certified psychotherapists will guide you through the process.
2. Your in-laws are judgemental.
All parents want the best for their children, in every aspect. This includes a life partner as well. Be it for their son or daughter, every parent has a check-list of qualities and criteria that they want their son-in-law or daughter-in-law to have.
When these qualities don’t match with the ones their son-in-law or daughter-in-law have, problems with in-laws begin to rise. They start judging everything you do or say. No matter what you do, it never makes them happy. This can take a toll on your mental health and even strain your relationship with your spouse.
Hearing judgemental remarks against you from your in-laws can make you angry to the point where you want to yell at them. But yelling at your in-laws would not solve your problems at large. You need to take a more sober approach.
You need to learn to stand your ground. Listen to what they have to say. But gently, let them know that you’ll carry out a specific task in your preferred way, not theirs. It is helpful if you have your spouse’s support in all this. If you need advice on how to do that, you can seek online counselling for in-laws problems.
3. Your in-laws are too clingy.
Clingy is usually not a word that is used to describe in-laws. But, in some cases, that is exactly what they are. Too clingy and needy. When parents are aged, they might need some extra help with some things. There’s nothing new or unusual about that.
But when their needs are never-ending and as a result, everything else becomes sidetracked in your and your spouse’s life, then it can be a huge problem. When your in-laws keep calling your spouse for help even with the littlest and easiest of things, it can be a real problem.
Even when you and your spouse go on a romantic weekend trip and your in-laws keep calling him with some excuse, you know that there’s something going on. However, you don’t need to feel helpless. There are certain things that you can do to make them feel assured.
You can involve them in birthday celebrations and other occasions that you celebrate. Let them know that they are not alone and that you and your spouse are there for them. If the clingy behaviour still continues, you and your spouse can speak to them and let them know how you feel.
If you need suggestions on how to do that, you can speak to our certified online counsellors through phone or chat.
4. Your in-laws are too dramatic and sensitive.
Overly dramatic and sensitive in-laws are not limited to T.V. series. They exist in real life too. And if you happen to have them in your life, then it could create chaos. Marital life has its own issues. You don’t need over-sensitive and dramatic in-laws to make things worse for you.
People who like to create drama, feed on drama. So, you have two choices. You can either ignore their attempts at creating drama, or you can respond. If you choose to respond, you should always do it in a neutral tone. This makes sure that they don’t get too many chances to fight with you or create even more drama.
We understand that it is easier said than done. If you need advice on how to deal with horrible in-laws who always create drama, act emotionally and then turn you into a villain, then you can get online counselling.
5. Your in-laws do not respect your privacy.
This is a very common issue with in-laws. It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse live with your in-laws or not, lack of privacy can be a huge problem. If not addressed on time, this problem may further create new problems between you and your spouse.
Many in-laws, especially parents-in-law, don’t know how to respect their child’s and their son-in-law or daughter-in-law’s privacy. They visit them often without even informing them. While living together, they go through their son-in-law or daughter-in-law’s private emails or phone calls. They eavesdrop when there’s a guest in the house to visit with the son or daughter-in-law.
Basically, the in-laws breach every intangible line that exists when it comes to the privacy that a person is entitled to. When it happens, you and your spouse need to work together and come up with a plan to let them know that you do not appreciate them invading your privacy.
It is important for you to let them know that you have the right to privacy. You can speak to our certified online therapists for suggestions on how to solve this issue.
6. Your in-laws try to turn your spouse against you.
Before getting married, you might have heard stories about couples where the spouse’s family had turned him/her against his/her husband/wife. You might have wondered if this actually happens to people.
The sad truth is that this in-laws problem really does happen to people. Sometimes, some fathers-in-law or mothers-in-law end up not liking their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. As a result, they keep bad-mouthing them and trying to turn their spouse against them.
When this happens, it puts a huge strain on a marriage. If you’re going through the same situation, then you have a few options. You can speak to your spouse and tell your spouse what is going on. Explain the situation to him/her and let them know that facts are being twisted to make you look bad.
You don’t have to face everything alone. You can take online counselling for in-laws issues. Our therapists would help you find ways to handle the situation at hand.
7. Your in-laws treat your spouse like a child.
No matter how old a person gets, for their parents, he or she will always be their child. There’s nothing unusual about that. What’s unusual is that your in-laws still treat your spouse like a child.
Real problems arise when the in-laws don’t know their boundaries and insist on treating their son or daughter the same way they did when they were little. They need to understand that they are grown-ups now. They have their own will and own way of doing things.
As long as their overly affectionate or overbearing gestures are not affecting your marriage negatively, it is not really an issue. However, if it really bothers you, then you need to address the issue before it becomes too big.
Speak to your in-laws openly. Let them know that you want to set some boundaries. Inform them that even though you appreciate what they’ve done so far, it is not necessary for them to continue doing every little thing for your spouse. You can talk to our online counsellors for advice on how to handle this problem.
8. Your in-laws are too involved in your married life.
It is quite natural for a husband and a wife to fight from time to time. It happens in every marriage. It is even said that arguing with your spouse once in a while is good. It helps you understand one another and strengthen the marriage.
What is not good is for your in-laws to get involved in your fights and arguments. When this happens, even a small issue between a husband and a wife tends to get magnified. It makes things worse instead of solving them.
When your in-laws are interfering in the relationship between you and your spouse, let them know that it bothers you. Make them understand that whatever issues you may have with your spouse, are for the two of you to solve. Your arguments with your spouse are private incidents, not something that they can participate in.
We understand that this is a hard thing to do. Hence, our online counselling sessions equip you with methods using which you can handle this issue. As much as people tend to ignore in-laws problems, it is best for you to face them head-on.
9. Your in-laws don’t respect you.
When your in-laws don’t respect you, it can manifest in many different ways. Gossiping about you behind your back, ignoring you, not paying heed to what you say, and not agreeing with your decisions are all signs of disrespect.
Things like these can feel quite hurtful. If you’re facing similar issues with your in-laws, then you don’t need to keep suffering silently. You should stand up for yourself. Confront the ones who are disrespecting you and let them know how you feel. Be polite, but be firm as well.
If this doesn’t work or you need some extra support in solving the issues, then you can talk to our certified online counsellors. They will help you find the best ways to handle the issues you’re facing.
Online Counselling to deal with in-laws problems
OnlineCounselling4U provides online counselling for a wide range of issues. If you need help in dealing with in-laws problems, speak to one of our psychotherapists today. You can talk discreetly to our online counsellors in any language you’re comfortable with. Be it Hindi, English, Marathi, Gujarati, Bengali, Punjabi, Urdu, Odia, Telugu, Tamil, Malayalam or Kannada.
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Why are in-laws so difficult?
You may wonder why your in-laws are so difficult to handle. It is often because of two reasons. Expectations and boundaries. Most in-laws keep very high expectations from the new member of their family. It can get quite difficult to meet those expectations.
Also, they don’t understand what boundaries in a relationship are. Even when they understand those boundaries, they deliberately keep crossing them without paying any heed to the feelings of their son or daughter-in-law. This is where most in-laws problems arise from.
Why do mother-in-laws cause problems?
In most families, mothers in general are used to providing primary care for their children. Even when the children are all grown up, mothers still find it hard to let go of the control they have over their children’s lives. This often ends up creating marital problems between a husband and a wife.
If you’re facing similar problems, one little ray of hope you have is that these in-laws issues can be solved through online counselling.
How do you overcome problems with in-laws?
Problems with in-laws are bound to arise when you are married. It doesn’t matter if you live with them or not. When a new person enters an already existing family unit, friction happens and feelings get hurt.
If you need help in solving the in-laws problems you’re facing, then speak to our certified online counsellors. They’ll help you find the best approach to handle different issues and problems.