7 Parenting tips for a stubborn child

“It’s not what you do for children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

Parents often face problems while dealing with their child’s tantrums and behavioral attitude. Stubbornness is natural and often comes when children think that their parents don’t agree with them and are giving orders. It can be seen in children when parents tell them to go to sleep and not watch TV, eat healthy food only or study instead of playing games, and eventually this can lead to an argument.

However, it is important for parents to know how to manage their children’s stubbornness and help them to behave in socially acceptable and healthy ways. If parents are able to reduce the stubbornness, then it will help with the children’s moral and emotional development.

Stubbornness can be genetic and environmentally influenced behavior also. There is a difference between a child who is stubborn and who is expressing his viewpoints freely, so, the parents should know when to interfere and modify the child’s behavior.

Attributes of a Stubborn Child

• They seek attention to be acknowledged
• They want their opinions to be recognized and accepted
• If they get interest in something, they will do it no matter it’s bad or good
• They can seem to be bossy sometimes
• They want everything to happen in their favor

Tips to deal with a Stubborn Child

1. Listen mindfully to the child

Two-way communication is an essential part of Parenting especially when dealing with a stubborn child. Stubborn child has a lot to say and can turn any conversation into argument, so, parents need to listen to their child carefully. It will make the children feel that they are always heard and their opinions are recognized and addressed by their parents. Approach them calmly and just listen to them. This will reduce their defiant behavior and surely boost up their self-esteem.

2. Never react harshly

A normal conversation can easily turn into an argument if shouting is involved. Instead of shouting and yelling at the child, parents should stay calm and not react immediately. Give some to yourself and to the child, let all the aggressive tendencies go down and then approach the situation with a mindful and calm mind.

Parents can:

• Listen to music
• Exercise
• Watch a funny video
• Engage themselves in some work

After getting calm, they should understand the demand of the situation and help the child to behave in an adequate manner. Like, a child is not going to sleep and wants to watch TV late at night, so, instead of yelling at the child, parent can calmly explain bad effects of watching TV at night and importance of sleep to the child.

3. Establish Cooperation

Instead of giving orders and expecting the child to follow them, there should be cooperation between the parents and the child.

How to establish cooperation:

• Parents should give suggestions/advices, and let the child decide for him/herself that what is good and bad.
• Make rules consistent and fixed
• Give them personal space to learn by themselves in life
• Be a good role model for them (If you don’t want your child to watch TV while eating food, you as a parent should also not watch TV while eating food).

4. Reinforcement of the behavior

Whenever a child does something good, that behavior should be followed by reinforcement that will increase the likelihood of that behavior happening again. For instance, saying, “Very Good! I am proud of you. You are such a good child. You ate all the served vegetables in the dinner and now you will be a healthy and fit child.” Now, the child will be motivated to eat healthy food again in future.

But if the child does something bad, then, child should be explained that why that particular behavior is bad and what should have been done instead. And when the child corrects the bad behavior, then, reinforce that behavior.

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of the parents.”

5. Adequate Punishment

Child should be given proper rules and discipline for their personal and moral development. And child should be always aware off the consequences of their behavior, if it’s good or bad. The aim is to not harshly punish the child but to make them realize that they did something wrong.

Punishment can be given by:

• Time-out
• Assigning some work
• Cutting down their favorite thing to do (no watching TV for more than half an hour)

6. Work together

Stubborn children don’t like to be told what to do. So, the best way to deal with them as a parent is to work with them and not ordering them. Give them options to choose from. By giving children two desirable options will benefit both parents and the children. Negotiation can also be used as a tactic to make the child behave positively.

7. Develop trust

As a parent, you should empathize with your child and try to understand the reason that why my child is behaving this way? This way you can understand their negative emotions and lash outing behavior. Make the child feel that they can tell anything to the parents, will significantly reduce stubbornness.

“Don’t try to make children grow up to be like you, or they maybe do it”– Russell Baker

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A parenting Coach helps parents to deal with the child which will result in positive behaviour. Parents play an important role in the socialization of the child so they need to be mindful of whatever they are doing and saying regarding which a parenting coach helps with. And all of this training and coaching can be done in online counselling sessions by Parenting Coaches and Counsellors.

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