{"id":28,"date":"2020-10-27T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-10-27T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/2020\/10\/27\/expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage\/"},"modified":"2023-06-14T17:39:06","modified_gmt":"2023-06-14T12:09:06","slug":"expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Expectation versus reality: Demystifying Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Since time immemorial, girls have always dreamt that her knight in shining armour would come on a white horse and sweep her away to a wonderland of love and happiness and live happily ever after. What the girls don\u2019t realize that it\u2019s a story, a hypothetical story and nobody has shared what happens beyond the \u2018happily ever after\u2019. Somewhere I read, marriage is a journey from \u2018I do\u2019 to \u2018she\/he did\u2019. Inadvertently, it becomes our habit to find faults constantly about each other. And to top it, the pleasure of saying, \u2018I told you so\u2026.\u2019. It gives us more orgasmic pleasure than the actual act. Pun intended!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There is a famous adage \u2018Marriage\u2019 is a laddu, jo khaye woh bhi pachtaye, jo na khaye woh bhi pachtaye. Simply put, it\u2019s a sweet that if you eat you will repent, even if you don\u2019t eat then also you will repent. The smart people amongst us then thought, why not taste it and then repent. A smart idea indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/pair-man-woman-fighting.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 626px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 626\/417;\"><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_1 ez-toc-wrap-left counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage\/#What_problem_found_after_marriage\" >What problem found after marriage?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage\/#Why_premarital_counselling_needed\" >Why premarital counselling needed?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/expectation-versus-reality-demystifying-marriage\/#Where_to_find_the_best_online_marriage_counsellors\" >Where to find the best online marriage counsellors?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_problem_found_after_marriage\"><\/span>What problem found after marriage?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought, let me identify some common expectations that we have before marriage and the reality that strikes us once the honeymoon period is over. This gap between our expectation and reality leads to a lot of stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s start with the most basic need, \u2018Financial independence\u2019. There\u2019s a constant tug of war on who will spend and who saves. Does one need to take permission from the other on every expense that happens? This often becomes bone of contention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Second most important aspect is the in-laws part. Do we need to spend all festivals\/occasions with in-laws and if so who\u2019s in-law, my-mom Vs your-mom is a constant struggle that we argue on? Also, the elephant in the room question is whose mom interferes more in a day-to-day life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Third is the gender stereotyping of the everyday chores. Who cooks, who cleans, especially now during this corona virus era, when we can\u2019t even look up to our maid. Moreover, both are working, immaterial of who earns more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Next in line is kids. When do we have babies, or what if one partner doesn\u2019t want a baby at all? Are we okay to accept each other\u2019s decision? Moreover, many a times a girl wants her mom to stay close to her so that she can take help in managing kids without compromising on her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/online-career-counselling-india.php\">career<\/a>. This also creates a rift because a help can be requested to a mom-in-law too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then comes our me-time, a time which we want to spend our own way. One might want to go for an exotic vacation, have a leisure stay in some luxurious resort and the other one might want to spend the entire vacation in the bed, lazing around, not doing anything, just eat\u2026sleep\u2026repeat\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, a spick and span versus a messier one. The classic example of the wet towel on the bed has an ability to initiate a mini world war.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not to forget, a left brained <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/counselling\/individual-counselling.php\">individual<\/a> who understands only black and white married to a right brained individual, who is super sensitive and emotional. And the list of expectations doesn\u2019t stop here. In fact, it keeps building up as our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/relationship-counselling.php\">relationship<\/a> progresses. And, so the \u2018tu tu main main\u2019 (the squabble) continues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why_premarital_counselling_needed\"><\/span>Why premarital counselling needed?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I am sure, most of us identify with some points mentioned above, if not all. The reason being, most of us never went for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/pre-marriage-counselling.php\">premarital counselling<\/a> and hence the lack of tips of what we should be aware of before committing ourselves in to a long-term relationship called marriage. Moreover, once married, it has been grilled into us, now that you are married you need to hold on to that marriage despite all odds. And the compromise era begins\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Bad-Marriage-relationship-counselling.jpg\" alt=\"Bad Marriage relationship counselling\" title=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 626px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 626\/417;\"><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>What I want is to bring your attention to focus on things that are in our hand. To begin with, think, do you want to be RIGHT or happy!!! Once you are clear that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/happiness-counselling.php\">happiness <\/a>is more important than \u2018being right\u2019 you have crossed one major hurdle. The foundation for a strong marriage is based on communication, respect, trust and commitment. The most important being, able to communicate, rather than going into your silent zone. Even if it means to fight or shout. Being vocal and expressing emotions is vital to any relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Second is respect, and by respect, I mean, respecting the individuality or perception of that person which may not always align with you. None the less, to understand the other individual\u2019s perspective\/ point of view, adds to a relationship. This will happen when we listen with an open mind and empathise with our spouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Third is rock solid trust on your spouse. Trust can neither be built overnight, nor can it be destroyed in a jiffy. So a little dash of forgiveness goes a long way. Though, rebuilding trust takes time but revisiting the past mistakes only stirs up negative emotions. We need to let go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fourth being commitment. Once we have committed to each other, ie., once we promise to stay together forever (till death do us part) and try to work out the problems amicably, by not having unrealistic expectations and being more accepting, life becomes beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep watching this space and I will touch upon issues that can be avoided which lead to frustrations and pain of unmet expectations and thereby building a closer, stronger relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Where_to_find_the_best_online_marriage_counsellors\"><\/span>Where to find the best online marriage counsellors?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Talk to a relationship counsellor and therapist from the comfort of your home via Phone call, video call, chat and email. We will keep all your information 100% anonymous and private.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/best-online-counselling-site-in-india.jpg\" alt=\"Best Online Counselling Site in India\" title=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 800px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 800\/496;\"><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Here at OnlineCounselling4U platform we provide best online <a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/pre-marriage-counselling.php\">marriage counselling<\/a> services of trained certified and experienced counsellors. Talking to an&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/\">Online Counselor<\/a>&nbsp;will help you to find a best way for your relationship issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">Call us to&nbsp;<\/span><a style=\"font-size: revert; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); font-weight: inherit;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/appointment\/\">book a session<\/a><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">&nbsp;today.<\/span>   <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">Contact us at<\/strong><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">&nbsp;<\/span><a style=\"font-size: revert; font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\" href=\"tel:+919811335150\">+91 9811335150<\/a><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); font-weight: inherit;\"> <\/span>   <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">Email us &#8211; <\/strong><a style=\"font-size: revert; font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\" href=\"mailto:info@onlinecounselling4u.com\">info@onlinecounselling4u.com<\/a>   <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">Follow us on<\/strong><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">&nbsp;<\/span><a style=\"font-size: revert; font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/onlinecounselling4u\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\">Facebook<\/a><span style=\"font-size: revert; color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">&nbsp;or&nbsp;<\/span><a style=\"font-size: revert; font-weight: inherit; background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/onlinecounselling4u\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow\">Instagram<\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Since time immemorial, girls have always dreamt that her knight in shining armour would come on a white horse and sweep her away to a wonderland of love and happiness and live happily ever after. What the girls don\u2019t realize that it\u2019s a story, a hypothetical story and nobody has shared what happens beyond the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":423,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,57,2,162],"tags":[149,214,13,150,184,185,151],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chat-counselling","category-marriage-counselling","category-online-counselling","category-pre-marital-counselling","tag-chat-counselling","tag-marriage-counselling","tag-online-counselling","tag-phone-counselling","tag-pre-marriage-counselling","tag-premarital-counseling","tag-video-counselling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5314,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions\/5314"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/423"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinecounselling4u.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}